Asking Better Questions (Plus a Poem)

Letting love illuminate the path forward

It is not only suffering 

that lends weight to our spirit.

Oh, no - 

a fleeting, buzzing moment of beauty, 

light as a bee balanced on a blossom,

if given refuge in our hearts,

can also saturate the soul

and cause us to become 

heavy

with joy.

(Poem composed Wednesday, October 3rd, 2023 while walking in the Washington Square area of Brookline, MA. So many gorgeous flowers still sunning themselves. So many bumblebees still drinking in the sweetness before the crisp sets in more solidly.)

As a reminder, I am now accepting poetry commissions! If you are feeling ready to get started co-creating a poem that captures what’s currently on your heart, or you know someone who would love to speak their feelings through a poem, send me a note at theperpetualvisitor at gmail dot com.

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Hello, Friends. I hope this note finds you feeling some small slices of peace on this mild, sunny Sunday. This past week I’ve been reconciling the physical feeling that we are still at the end of August (quite a few warm days in the 70’s and so many lovely flowers still putting on a show) with October’s calendar staring at me from the rear of my desk.

Earlier this month, as I was getting used to the idea that it wasn’t summer any more, I read a quote in the course of my travels on the internet that expressed the idea (I’m paraphrasing now, as I can’t get my eyes on said quote) that making progress as a human is about asking better questions.

This idea of better questions allowing us a more meaningful experience struck me deeply and resonated in my heart like an emotional tuning fork. I often consider myself the Queen of Questions. Specifically during seasons of heartache and hopelessness, I tend to ask “Why me?”, and the notion that there might be more interesting, fruitful questions both fascinates and enrages me. What if I have been swimming too close to the surface all this time, and torturing myself more than necessary in the process? What would it be like to discover a new set of questions to ask?

I’ve been asking questions my whole life. As a child, I went through the phase that every young person does when they respond to each statement a weary parent offers with, “But why?” Over and over and over again, desperate to get to the heart of the matter, be it how gravity works or why I wasn’t allowed to eat three cookies as my dinner.

Zooming forward into adulthood, I still ask questions galore.

To Lyft drivers: “What’s the farthest you have ever driven someone?”

To visitors at Orchard House, where I give tours: “Are you folks local or traveling? Where are you from?

To my students: “Anyone have any fun plans this weekend?”

To myself: “What do I want out of life? Am I getting closer? Going deeper?”

Asking questions is my way of remaining open minded and staying curious about myself and the world around me. After I read the quote about better questions, I began asking myself “What kinds of questions am I asking? What have I asked in the past, and how has it served me?”

When I think about moments in my life when asking a question truly affected the direction of my life, my memory settles back into my 8th grade year at Cosgrove Middle School in Spencerport, NY. I played the French horn in my middle school concert band, having not been able to make a single sound resembling music on the flute in the fourth grade when I met with the music teacher to select an instrument to play.